4 Ways to Create More of What You Want

I would like to share some ideas on creating experiences and a life that is aligned with your desires. This is based off of my experiences with friendships, intimate relationships, music, and work. It has similar tones to content that my favorite blogger Steve Pavlina shares.

1. Express your desires and interests more openly to the world.
   
   To create a life that is a good fit, be clear about what you are trying to accomplish. Make yourself easy to find. The internet gives us super powers to find like minded people, so share your talents and interests openly. It is amazing how quickly people will reach out with opportunities and offers if they have similar interests. This can be done in any field: work, arts, personal relationships etc. The more authentic your personal expression is, the more aligned the offers that come your way will be.
   
   Default mode is to ‘hide’ the elements of your personality that some would find edgy. However, the edgy parts of your personality are where the “interestingness” lies. Let your freak flags fly and you will find your troop a lot easier. Expressing yourself early is a better alternative than hiding your desires and eventually getting mad that your needs are not being met. Be honest about your intentions and interests and save the drama later on.
   
   
2. Tolerate less bullshit in your life.
   
   When things are not aligning with your expectations, lean into your fears and let your reality know that the behaviour will not be tolerated. If you don’t object to it, reality may think this is acceptable and will give you more of the same. Tolerating poor behaviour is undoubtedly settling on quality of life. Don’t take the easy path of silent approval, because that becomes the hard path later on. Create more of what you want by denying what is not working.
   
   Another way to have less bullshit in your life is by refusing to engage with it. Reserve your mental and emotional energy on the relationships that matter. An area that I find can be a waste of my mental resources is through written messages. So when I get a message with a lot of emotional baggage attached to it, my default is to respond with “OK”. Do not buy into the notion that you need to match someone’s intensity through message. Save yourself the mental energy so that you can:
   
   
3. Put Yourself Out There.
   
   Focus on creating material and content that is associated with your desires. If you like singing, post songs online, if you like woodworking, share your projects in relevant forums. Don’t let excuses prevent creating and sharing, it is more important to get out content than it is to have a masterpiece. Art is never finished anyways, it only stops in “interesting places”.
   
   A good example of the results that can happen from this: Chelsea and I created videos of us singing and playing our instruments that we published to Facebook and Youtube. From those videos, I was asked by a Facebook connection if I would be interested in trying out for the Legendary Rhythm and Blues Revue as their keyboard player. Now I’m in a full band! That opportunity would never have come to me if we were not creating and sharing content.
   
   If you want others to help you, openly express yourself in the areas you are interested in. Don’t get caught up in creating perfect content. Create good content and let it out to the world.
   
   
4. Don’t be afraid to hear and say “no”.
   
   Are you a person who can handle hearing no some times? Are you hearing no once in a while? If not, you are likely not asking enough from reality. Focus on becoming a character that can hear no, and move on from that. The rejection is not an attack on your character, so focus on separating yourself from the offer that is being made. Re-evaluate your offer to make it more win-win, or find another person who would appreciate your offer more.

Protect your time by saying no to any event or offer that is not a fit for you. Look for offers that fit the character that you currently are, not offers that fit the ‘old you’. It is okay to change your character, and also okay to change what kind of offers you are saying yes to. Tradition and family is one area where you may find particular resistance. This makes it even more important to express boundaries clearly. The world will not collapse from saying no to gift giving, dinners, or mandatory religious requirements. It needs to make sense for you.

A good default decision making tree is “Fuck Yes or No”. The idea is that if an opportunity is not making you say “Fuck Yes”, then the answer should be no. Get good at saying no to offers that are not a win-win. This mantra is especially useful when it comes to relationships. Give less effort to the relationships that are not a “Fuck Yes” for you, to make room for more aligned connections.

Adam